Thursday, March 12, 2015

JOB AVAILABLE: Servant of God


for the position of


Company:                             Heaven At The Last, Corner of Kings Highway and Eternity, Let's Go!
Chairman of The Board:    God The. Almighty
Chief Operating Officer:    Jesus Christ Bridegroom Lamb Savior Redeemer-Friend
Communications Director: Holy The. Spirit


A. Certified Follower of Immanuel with passes in:

1. Pray Without Ceasing
2. Confession of All Sin
3. Repentance With Humility
4. Broken and Contrite Spirit
5. Old Man Set Aside
6. Fruit of The Spirit
7. Personal Cross Calmly Carried
8. Rejection of The World
9. Hated of Men
10. Original-10 Commandment Keeper


Salary:                      Unlimited
Bonuses:                   Innumerable
Travel Allowance:    Off The Chart
Vacation:                  None Needed
Sick Leave:              Unnecessary
Training:                   Inexpressible
Uniform Provided:   White Linen Robe (Graded: Indestructible)
Jewelry Allowance:  Covers complete cost of The Gold Crown and accompanying Gold Harp
Housing:                   Must Be Seen To Be Believed


This is a permanent position, and involves the separation of self from all things in the Corporeal Realm, and all applications will be carefully vetted to screen out the following:

1. New Age Theology
2. Another Gospel
3. Do What Thou Wilt
4. Vain Philosophy
5. All categories of ISMS
6. Hidden Agendas
7. Divide and Conquer
8. Disputings 
9. Demigoguery
10. Denial of ROM.5:8
11. Denial of MATT.28:6

1. No persons holding God’s Traffic Director (GTD) certification, Seeking Elevation Through Fatuity (SELF) degrees, Neither Wise nor Omnipotent (NWO) licenses, nor those certified at Fallen Angel Truth Syndrome (FATS) level need apply unless they have received a subsequent Amendment #7373682623 to their certifications. There are NO EXCEPTIONS to this policy!

2. If you are in the TUTC&FJC (Take Up Thy Cross & Follow Jesus Christ) training, but have not yet fully qualified in either ACTS2/38 or ACTS22-16, please submit your application marked with either the Code #7729469 or Code #73848466464 for fast-track processing.


The Company, Heaven At The Last, as chaired by God The. Almighty, is a lean and clean and righteous-operating organization.

All who would be Servants of God are required - without exception and no excuse -  to walk the Straight and Narrow Way (S&N Way).

As you walk the Straight and Narrow Way, you may expect to visit some, or all - time permitting - of the following facilities:

1. The School of Hard Knocks
2. Christianity is Comfort for a Fool Cafe
3. Self-Denial is Stupidity Cabaret
4. If You Are Kind Get Behind Boutique at The Mall of All Nations
5. Good The Shepherd at Green Pastures
6. The Valley at The Shadow of Death  
7. Hated for Christ's Sake Ministries
8. Prosperity Gospel Hall
9. Feel Good Theology Mission and Mansion
10 Apostate Palace, and
11. Jesus Is Mine - The Musical at Hisway Station

You will receive, as a part of your Benefits Package, the Gift of Justification, at the time that you accept the position which also comes with a Blood-Bought, all expense paid, one-way ticket on Sanctification Airways.

By the time of your arrival at Company Headquarters, you will have passed through Mortification of Thy Members, and received Bodily Glorification which is permanent in nature, and which has the Immortality Badge attached.

BUT ... before you board your flight to Heaven At the Last, you will receive the training manual entitled B.I.B.L.E., which contains all the basic instructions before leaving everything and everybody else behind. You cannot learn the instructions for anybody else, but we encourage you to share what you learn with any and everybody you meet on the S&N Way.

We encourage you to immerse yourself in these instructions and making them a part of your reason for living. The instructions therein contained will make you an individual fit to be called Servant of God, so please treasure your B.I.B.L.E. manual.


All persons who apply to be Servants of God have a personally assigned Powerful and Holy Angel for protection.

All persons who apply to be Servants of God also - and most importantly - have the Indwelling Comforter sent from our Chief Operating Officer, Jesus Redeemer-Friend, and authorized by our Chairperson, God The. Almighty, Himself!

We take care of our own, and we do, and have done, and will do, all within our Righteous Powers to ensure your successful graduation into the Heaven At The Last family!

We will see you soonest in Heaven At The Last and, as we say here:

"God Speed!"

N.B.:  Please affix this Public Yet Personal Identification Number (PYPIN# 266337733-746) to your application to prove that you are not a robot, or your application will be summarily rejected.

2. Applications will be accepted until Thief In The. Night, our Financial Controller, designates that the CUP Budget is at the maximum. Ladye Grace is still reviewing applications, so please get yours in post haste!

SOMSTTL Job Request No. 253774647