Can't Catch-A-Break And 'e Self!

In This Corner
Wearing Tangerine Trunks
Displaying Squeakers And Squawkers
Is 

Can't Catch-A-Break!

He Is A 100-Pound Weakling
BUT
Surprise And Shock
He Can Dead Lift
Clean And Jerk
AND
Snatch
The Heaviest Weight That It Is Possible
For Any Human
Who Ever Lived
Or Will Ever Live
To Consciously Bear!

He Can Raise That Weight
Even Sitting In A Comfy Chair!

Yeahhhh! 

                             Woo Hoo!

In That Corner
Wearing White Trunks 

With A Blue Border And Fringes
Is Dah Christian!

Dah Christian's Recorded Heaviest Weight Lifted Is
Old King James
AND
He Can Do It On The Run
Sitting
Standing
Walking
AND
Ever Spinning Around!

He Can Accomplish Feats Of Greatness 

Just By A Flick Of The Wrist
AND
He Does Something Called
Witness!

Boooooo!

                        Boooooo!                                              Boooooo!
                                                             Useless!
             Go Home!

Are You Ready To Rumble?!

Yeah! Bring It On!

No, I Am Not!

Dah Christian Got To Be An Idiot!

                           Catcha Is Gonna Wipe The Floor With Him!

This Does Not Seem Real!                                              They Are Not In The Same League!

Catcha!
First Statement:

Your Soap Doan Sud!
Your Brush Can't Scrub
And
Every Coin In Your Pocket
Ain't Nothing But Crooked Slugs!!

Why?! How?!
You If, But And And!
I'll Kill You!
I'll Rip You A New One!

Beeeeep!!

Yeahhhh!! I Told You!

Christian!
First Statement:

You Are A Liar!
A Loafer!
A Bold And Grand Sleaze!
You Nickel And Dime Widows
And
All Your Clean Dogs Got Ticks And Fleas!

10 Seconds On The Clock!

Why Won't He Respond?!

3
2
1
BEEEEEEEEEP!!

ROUND 2!

Catcha!
You're Thin-Skinned
A Tight-Wad
A Sheep-Stealer
And A Fraud!

You ...

You ...! You ...! Ooohhh!!!
I'm Gonna Rip Your Tongue Out!
I'll Scalp You!
I'll Put Salt In Your Eye!

Beeeeep!

Yeah!                                                           Yeah!
                    He's Winning!                                                       Look At His Muscles Bulge!

Christian!
You Scored No Points Last Round! 

Let's See What You Can Do This Round!
You Have Got To Defend Your Self!
It's The Way Of The World!

The Accusation Is:

You Are A Liar!
A Crier!
You Steal Pension Funds!
You Play With Light Skirts!
You Imbibe Rot-Gut White Rum!

The Audience Gasps!
Catcha Steps Back!
Dah Christian Kneels Down!

What Is He Doing!

                                            Maybe He's Saying His Prayers!

The Crowd Roars!

Beep! Beep! Beeeeeep!!!

Catcha Wins!
He Lifted High His Self!
He Came To His Own Defense!
He Stuck To His Guns ...!?!

Craaaack!!

What Was That!?!

                  Look! Look!!

Catcha Just Dropped Through The Floor!

Wha ... Why ... How!?!

Catcha? Catcha?
You Alright, Man?!

Nooo! No O ooh!
I Broke My Seeeelf!

My Self Is Too Heavy!
Ask Dah Christian For Help!

Christian! Dah Christian!
Catcha Git Broken By 'e Self!
Can You Help Him?
Please Help Him!
He Said He Can No Longer Depend On His Self!

Dah Christian Responded:

Self Has No Back Prop
No Footing
It's Head Is Always Bare
So
Tell That Can't Catcha
To Let go Of Self
And He Will Rise Up!
Tell Him To Have No Fear!
He Will Float In The Air!

Catcha?!
Can You Hear Me?!

Baaarely! Just Baaarely!

Nevertheless, Listen Good!

Dah Christian Says
Let Go Of Self
For He Says That Is How
The Devil's Darts Are Withstood!

Christian Says

Don't Jump
At Every Slight And Insult
For
A Soft Answer
Turns Away Wrath
And Even Better
Silence Is Golden
For
With God's Blessing
The World Can Be Withstood!

And, Furthermore

He Says There's To Be

No More Carrying Around
That Hock-Hobbled Golden Calf!

He's Up! He's Up!               Catch Just Stood Up!                                               He's Going To Be All Right! 

Catcha Is Standing Firmly On His Feet!

Not Long Thereafter ...

Christian! Dah Christian!
Where You Learn All That Good Stuff?!

I Lift High Old King James!
I Flutter All His Pages
AND
He Ruffles The Whorls On My Brain!
AND
By The Faith Of Jesus Christ
I Withstand Satan's Rages!

You Don't Say?!

I Accept All Of Christ's Teaching!
I Was Like You
But I Accepted The Word Against Self
For
I No Longer Wanted To Be World Champion
Lifting The Heaviest Weight In The World
My - The - Self!

Self Desires Supremacy!
Self Is Its Own God!
Self Sits On A Self-made Throne
Compliments Of King Fraud!

I Am Not King Of My Life!
Jesus Christ Holds That Prime Place
So
All My Burdens
The Barbs Of This Life
I Cast Them All On Him!
And
With Full Confidence
In My Lord Christ
I Can
The Wicked World
Face!

As Easy As That?!

As Easy As *That!*

Jesus Attends!
Defends!
Contends!
I Pray And I Obey
For
I Gave Self To My Savior
That Dragon
For To Slay!

Now ... It's Good Bye To You
And
I Pray
You Have A Blessed Day!

Wow!What A Nice Man!

That's A Good Christian!

Pity He Didn't Fight For Self ...!

He Didn't Need To
For
He Has The Lord Christ
On His Side!