Gallimaufry Christianity!

The Bright Light Church Is Spectacular and Blazing Bright!
The Comfy Seats Hold All-Size Bums Nice and Tight!
The Sanctuary Choir Is Quite A Gymnast's Delight!
The Dance Troupe Puts On A Spectacle 
Worthy Of A Heavy-weight Prize Fight!
The Preaching Makes All Bold Sinners Feel Alright In God's Sight
AND
The Offering Plates Would Give A Giant A Goady Not Light!

On Any Given Monday
The Teaching Is About You!
On Any Given Tuesday
The Teaching Is About You, Too!
On Any Given Wednesday
The Teaching Is About Loving You Times Two!
BUT
Every Other Thursday
The Teaching Is On You and Your Boo Loving You!
AND
Don't Forget That This Coming Friday
The Teaching Is About Fabulously Feeding 
You, You and All The Rest Of Some Of You, You!

Now ... 
Saturdays Are Special
For Everybody Is Off Work
And There Is A Morning Class In Hospitality
Teaching How Christians Can Holy Twerk
BUT
Don't Forget Yourself
And Behave Like A Jerk
If You See Any Naughty Bits Pretty, Pretty Perk!

Let Me Stop Here And Advise You
That This Is All About 
Love And Inclusion
Embracing
All And Sundry
AND
Giving Them A Place To Know
That God Thinks Them Well 
AND
Their Designed Life - No Matter How Lived -
IS
- By God
In God
Through God
For God -
Blissfully Delightfully Fine!

All Sermons Are Of On And About God's Love!
All Offerings Are Love!
All Wrong-Doing Is Swept Under
The Hand-tied
Hand Painted
Love Rug
Near The High Altar's
Right Side
BECAUSE
In The Old Testament
The Ark Of The Covenant
Had A Mercy Seat
Where The Left Angel's Illumination Meant 
"No!" or "Punishment!"
AND
The Right Angel's Illumination Meant
"Yes!" or "Life's A Blessed Treat!"

Now ... The Investors In The Business Of
The Beautiful Bright Light Mega-Church
Are Really Truly Bright
For They Have Taken The Best Of
The Teachings Of Myriad Religions
AND
Crafted For Themselves
Illuminated Preachings
Designed To Obscure
Jesus Christ's Divine Holy Light!

The Bright Ones Are Forthright!
Their Words Of Truth Are Colored To Please
AND
Their Words Of Wisdom Are Such 
That Would Give Short Fat Fleas
Round and Nice Bendable Knees!

Within This Lit Bright Man-Crafted Mixed-Mystery Tradition
It Is Totally Not Irrelevant What You Personally Believe!
You Come To That Light
Because Your Life Is As Night
AND
Bright Illumination Provides
Holy-Man Insight 
Eyesight
To Fight Against 
Inconvenient Truths
About Situation and Self
That Frighten and Benight 
AND
True Personal Prosperous Growth Blight!

• Rule ONE: Help Self Then - Maybe - Another!
• Rule TWO: One Of Anything For Self Is Good BUT Two For Self Are Always Better!
• Rule THREE: In All Disputes RULE ONE Applies!
• Rule FOUR: In Charity Work, Make Sure RULE TWO Is Activated BEFORE Gifting!

Now, Strangely Enough ...

When The Giving Band Is On 
The Altar Of Praise

Humbly Requesting Donations

To Feed Clothe

Widow, Orphans and

Those Who Are Slightly Crazed

Much Is Made Of King Jesus

And What He Would Do

BUT ...

Without Missing A Beat

AND
Before Taking Their Seats

The Giving Band

Cites

Rules ONE, TWO and FOUR

For 

Charity Begins At Home

AND

Joyously Shouts: "Self-Denial Is NOT A Hunger Cure!"

Unsurprisingly ...

The Holy Book Is As Custom Made

For Selfishness Is A Virtue

AND

Self-Denial - To Them

IS The Card Overplayed

By Those Old-Fashioned Christians

Of Christendom's Former Glory Days

AND

As Far As The Brightly Lit Are Concerned

Are Passe

AND

De Trop

Which Is Why Old-World Christianity

IS 
A Total Flop

AND
They Have Set It Aside 
AND

Have Embraced It Not!

Self IS The Worship Band!
Feelings Are Fuel and Myriad As Sand!
Jesus IS An Off-Ramp Upon Which Vacationers Stand
AND
Hope For Eternal Glory
IS - If You Are Lucky -
Where A Fleeting Thought May Land!

Repentance IS Perfume!
Confession IS A Hot Tune!
Live As You Like IS Always Right
For God Loves You
AND 
You Are Good As You Are Doing 
In His Heavenly Eye-Sight!

In The Great Getting-Up Morning 

Dawning

Hell's Maw Will Be 

Yawning

When The People Deceived

Will Yell, Cry, Sneeze and Wheeze:

For Gallimaufry Christianity

IS Really All Mish-Mash Sleaze

Compliments Of King Fraud

Master Of All That IS Sin

a/k/a

The Death-Dealing Eternal Disease!